Boot Camp
by Marie Scott
Summary: I know I know, someone already had this idea...T.T But check it out if you like immature lame humor


Boot Camp 

FRIDAY EVENING

Nagi: No computers!?

Four figures stood inside a small room, painted a dirty yellow. An elder woman sat at a large wooden desk, filtering recruiting papers for the U.S Army. Her hair was the color of snow and her face was a map of wrinkles. 

Woman: Correct.

Nagi: (Making a pained face) Humph!

Schu and Farf stood opposite the officer, with their backs against the wall, both were smoking a cigarette.

Schu: (Raising an eyebrow) They have guns here.

Farf: (Looking at the German) Big guns?

Schu: (Taking a drag) Very Big.

On the other side of the room, seated in a metal chair with various papers scattered around him, Brad Crawford, the leader, scribbled a few names and numbers on the documents. His white business coat was draped over the back of the chair, and small curses could be heard under his breath, commenting on the sweltering heat. 

Farf: I'm sweating.

Schu: (Throwing the finished cig out the open window to his left and leaning towards the Irishman to steal his) Ya stink too. 

Farf: Nu uh. 

Schu: (Wrinkling his nose) You reek. 

Farf: (Surrendering his cigarette) Well at least I don't smell like Cucumber Melon. 

Schu: (Jaw dropped.) Least I don't smell like a foot!

Farf: (Raising his voice) Least I don't shop at Bath and Body Works!

Schu: Least I don't shave my…

Brad: Enough!

The tall American stood up, scanning his two group members. He gathered the papers and dropped them off on the secretary's desk, who had a confused yet comic look on her face. 

Woman: If you would wait outside the officer will be with you shortly. 

Brad snatched his coat from the chair and pushed through the bickering duo, past the young Japanese boy who was about to frown himself into a coma, and out the door into the immense heat. 

Farfarello followed him, turning around and mouthing "I hate you" to Schu before disappearing out the door. 

Schu: //I hate you even more.//

Farf: (Stopping by the door) I hate you times a hundred. 

Schu: (Pushing him into the noon sun) I hate you times a thousand. 

Farf: I hate you times infinity!

Schu: (Stumped, thinking) Well….I hate you times an infinity times a thousand. HA! Beat that you albino.

Nagi: (Stepping out into the heat with them.) Farfie isn't albino.

Schu: Listen you little runt…

Nagi: (Interrupting) Brad!

Brad: (Rubbing the arch of his nose and taking a deep breath) You three stop it before…

Farf: (Interrupting) Nagi isn't a runt…he's smaller than that…

Nagi: (Interrupting) Brad!

Brad: (Interrupting) Will you just shut ….

Farf: (Interrupting) Your not supposed to call him Brad…

Schu: (Interrupting) 0o0o0 look who's sucking up…

Nagi: (Interrupting) BRAD!

Officer: ATTENT HUT!

The four men all jumped at the sound of the huge male yelling at them. Oddly enough he sounded like Arnold Schwarzineger Even Crawford stood up straighter and paid attention. While 

Officer: Oh my Lord in heaven. What the hell do we have here? A bunch of WUSSIES?

Farf: Wha…

Officer: (In his face, shouting) SILENCE. (Spit flying) DO NOT SPEAK UNLESS (Spit) SPOKEN TO! UNDERSTOOD!?

Farf: YESSSSSSS SIR! (Saluting him, spit dripped down his cheek)

The officer nodded and spun around and started yelling at them to follow him in a jog.

Schu: I don't "jog".

Officer: You won't eat tonight either if you don't move it, girly-mon! GET GOING!

That night the four of them lie in their bunks. Nagi was slumped over his cot, moaning from fatigue. Brad sat in the only metal chair that the one room cabin had, looking over more paper work. Schu and Farf lay scattered on the wooden floor, breathing hard.

Schu: (Laying on his back) Farf?

Farf: (Face down on the floor) What?

Schu: I can't move

Farf wearily raised a tired hand and let it drop on top of the red heads stomach, knocking the wind out of him. Schu groaned, cursing, and coiled up into the fetal position.

Farf: (Muttering into the floor boards) Ya just moved.

While Schuldig and Farfarello cursed at each other on the floor, Nagi moaned again, even louder. He was going to get some attention whether anyone liked it or not. 

Nagi: Need….computer!

Brad's glaze focused on the youngest member of Schwarz and mentally slapped himself for EVER thinking that this could possibly be a good idea for the group. He had thought that this weekend long Boot Camp would kick some common sense into the four-some. Keep them on their toes. 

No one was on their toes. 

Nagi: (Moan) Computer!!

Farf: (rolling over and sitting up on the floor) Shut UP! 

He flopped back down on his back.

Nagi: (Wide eyed) You shut up!

Farf: (Jaws dropped as he sat up once again) Was that a threat?

Nagi blinked and stared at the Irishman questionably. All the nutcase wanted to do was make trouble

Nagi: (Squinting his eyes and shaking his head) Wha? No…

Before he could even finish his sentence, Farfarello leaped up and lunged at the 15 year old boy who had exchanged his words for screams. In one solid jump Farf was on the top bunk, tickling Nagi into submission. The young boy screamed again, gasping through laughing. He kicked his legs out, trying to get the madman off of him, his hands pushed and punched Farfarello's chest, but it did nothing. Farf kept tickling him without mercy. 

Then Nagi went limp.

Farf: (Screams)

Schu jerks up to see Farfarello on top of the fragile teenager. 

Schu: (Running over to the beds) YOU KILLED HIM!

The German reached up and yanked Farfarello off of the top bunk. He tumbled backwards and hit the ground hard. 

Schu: BRAD! Farfarello KILLED Nagi! (His face turned white before he fainted in a heap on the floor)

Brad rubbed his forehead gave them the death glare before returning back to his work. So much for common sense.

Farf: (Looking around the silent room, first the ground at Schu's motionless body, then at Nagi's. With a jerk he shot out his hands into the air) I DIDN'T DO IT!

Brad: (Calmly, while arranging papers on his desk with a sigh) Just give them some air and go to bed.

That night while Brad and Farfarello were sleeping sound fully in their small cots, Farfarello slightly snoring, Schu groaned and sat up on the floor rubbing his head. 

Schu: I'm STILL on the floor. No one even PICKED me UP!!! 

Brad snorted awake, looked at the disgruntled Schuldig and flopped back to sleep. 

SATERDAY 

All four members of Schwarz stood outside the Mess Hall, a long wooden building that smelled like road kill. Schu, Farf, and Nagi stood in the back of the line, cursing the fact that they hadn't gotten up early enough to get a better position. Brad, on the other hand, had been up at exactly 5:30. Not a challenge for him though because that's the time that he was always up, seven days a week. He stood at the front of the line, already receiving his food. 

Farf: (Tapping his foot and humming oldies) If I can't have you…I don't want your body baby.

Schu: (Raising an eyebrow) That's not how it goes, Einstein.

Farf: (Stop singing and turning back to face Schu) What are the words then?! Huh?

Schu: (Leaning back) I don't know…I just know it's not right. (Motioning to Nagi) Didn't you have it downloaded on your computer?

Nagi: (Sniffle) I don't HAVE my computer! It MISSES me!

Schu and Farf: Ugh.

A few moments later they were at the front of the line, carrying old plastic trays with green and orange mounds of "peas and carrots"

Schu: (looking at the food) I'm going to be sick.

Farf: (Smiling) Hey! If you mix them together they look like Schu's barf that time he drank a little too much…remember that?! (Smiling as though he just did something ingenious) 

Schu: (Shaking his head and moaning) 

Nagi: (Stepping back) Ewwies. 

A few hours later the four-some were standing in a field by a large lake. There was a long rope attached from one side of the lake to the other with small wooden platforms at either end. The Officer stood in front of them explaining what they would be doing for the next few hours. 

Officer: Now ladies, you try to get over the rope without falling into the water. GOT IT!

All four: Yes, sir.

Brad went first, he climbed up the metal ladder up to the platform, swung out expertly onto the rope and pulled himself over in record time, landing on the other side and climbing back down.

Officer: Very well done. (Looking around) You! Red head, your turn!

Farf: (To Nagi under his breath) I bet you 20 bucks he falls off. 

Nagi: (thinking) 30.

Farf: Deal.

Schu shakily climbed the latter onto the platform, which was about 60 feet up there. He took hold of the rope, breathed in…

And slipped.

He screamed as he held on with all his might, sliding down the rope about 10 feet from the platform.

Schu: HELP ME! HEEEELP!

Farf: (On the ground, shouting) I win the bet! 

Schu: (Momentarily forgetting where he was) WHAT?! WHAT BET! OOH FARFARELLO WHEN I GET DOWN THERE…(Looking down) AHHHHHH!!! HELP ME!

Nagi: (White) I don't think he can swim!

Officer: Get your act together, son! MOVE!

Schu: (Feet dangling) I can't!!!

Officer: GET IT TOGETHER!

Schu: _YOU _GET IT TOGETHER! 

The officer sighed and started up the latter to help the still screaming German. He didn't see Farfarello follow him until he was half way to the top.

Farf: Wait! I want to help him! Hey! I'm going to help him!

Schu: (Background) AHHHHHHH!

The officer grunted and ignored him.

Farf: HEY! (Reaching up and tugging the officers pant leg) HEY!

He must have tugged to hard because before he knew it the officer was falling past him towards the ground, landing in an unconscious heap on the ground. 

Nagi: (Screaming) GREAT! WAY TO GO FARF! (Pause) MY GOD YOU IDIOT!

Nagi kneeled down by officer and smacked him on the face, he didn't wake up. Farfarello kept climbing, finally landing on the platform.

Schu: AHHHHH! (Looking at Farfarello trying to climb to him on the rope) AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! No! No!

Farfarello swung out onto the rope and shimmied over to Schu. 

Farf: (Overly cheerful) Hiya!

Schu tried to back away from him.

Farf: I've come to save you!

He let go of his left hand and held it out to Schu. Suddenly a huge Wasp buzzed around Farfarello's ear. Stupidly he tried to swat it away…

With his right hand.

Farfarello started to fall, but grabbed onto Schu's pant leg, screaming.

Schu: THIS IS *NOT* HOW YOU SAVE SOMEONE!

Nagi: (In the background, eyes to the officer) Farf the dude isn't moving…(Looking up at Schu and Farf) oh my GOD! YOU MORON!

Farf: (Searching around quickly) If you say God again, Nagi, I'm going to kill your computer when we get home! I'm going to make you pay! (Loosing his grip) NAGI! HELP!

Nagi: (Hands on hips) No.

Schu: AHHHHH (Breath) HHHHHHHHHH!!

Farf: (Over Schu's screaming) What?! 

Schu: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Brad: WOULD YOU TWO SHUT UP!

The duo looked over to see Brad climbing down the rope to them.

Schu: Brad! My savior!

Farf: Stop it! Don't say savior!

Schu: (Looking down) Savior, savior, savior, savior. 

Farf growled and tugged on Schu's pant leg, making him lose his grip. Screaming they both started to fall, before they were caught by Brad. 

Brad: God you two are heavy!

Schu: It's not me, Farfs the one who ate all your Milky Ways!

Brad: (Shocked) That was YOU!

Farf: (Laughing nervously) Uh…(Looking around) NU UH! It was Nagi!

Brad: NAGI!

Nagi: (Down below, innocent little eyes) What?

Brad: Those were MY Milky Ways! 

Nagi: (Confused) What?

Brad: MY MILKY _WAYS_!

Nagi: Which way? (Straining to hear)

Brad: MYYYY MIIILKY WAAAAHHHH….(loosing his grip on the rope) 

Nagi: (Starting up the latter to hear better) WHAT?

Schu: AHHHHHH! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!

Farf: (Eyes wide) AHHHHHHH! 

Brad: (rolling his eyes) Shut up! Nagi wake the offi….

Nagi was already on the rope sliding towards them.

Brad: UGH! Nagi go back down there and wake the officer up!

Nagi: He was twitching too much, it scared me.

Brad: (Shaking his head) Twitching?

Nagi: Yeah, I thought he was rabid or something.

Farf: (From down below) Moron…

Nagi: (Mad) Hummmph. GOD GOD GOD GOD GOD!

Farf: Why I oughta!!!

Schu: AHHHHHHHHH I'M GOING TO DIE!

Nagi: Our father who art in heaven…

Schu: AND I'M SO BEAUTIFUL! I don't deserve this!!

Brad: (Losing his grip a little more) 

Farf: (Growling at Nagi) WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! 

He lets go of one hand and pulls out a knife.

Nagi: Hallow be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will….

Farf threw the knife, missing Nagi by about a foot, but it didn't miss the rope.

Brad: (As if seeing it in slow motion) You have got to be kidding me.

In a loud rip the rope broke, for a second they hung in mid air before the rope pulled taunt and started to swing them towards the water.

Schu: AHHHHHH! Not only am I going to DIE! I'm going to get WET!

As they reached the water, Nagi flung off, making a huge splash followed by Farfarello. Brad hung on and so did Schu. The rope swung back down towards the lake on its second pass, and Brad could see that Farf was chasing Nagi in the cold clear water. The third pass was slower, and before they knew it Brad and Schu dropped gently into the water and swam towards land where Farf was screaming and chasing Nagi with a vengeance.

Brad: (Staring at the soaking wet Schu, then the unconscious officer, then at the terrified Nagi and the insane Irishman, in mock anger) I hate you all. (And walked away.)

SUNDAY

It was the last day that they were going to be at the Boot Camp. All four of them sat in an auditorium, listening to another officer talk about how proud he was to be apart of something so big and great. There were a lot of people in the building, some were here to start on the next boot camp, the one that lasted the whole week. Brad fanned himself with a piece of paper and realized that if he was stuck here a whole week with his group he would probably go insane…or worse, smile more often. And to make things worse, his group had to do a little presentation on how their life was affected being here…like two freaken days could change anything.

On the other side of the room.

Omi: NOOOO COMPUTER!! (Sobbing into Aya's sleeve)

Ken: (Wiping his head with the back of his arm) Shhh!

Youji: (Leaning over Ken to face Omi) And no TV, no play station, no radio, no game boy…

Aya: (Hissing) Shut up you two.

Youji sat back in his seat and whispered.

Youji: No cheese balls, no clubs, no alcohol, no mini chocolate donuts, no air conditioning, no…

Omi sobbed harder into Aya's sleeve.

Ken: No missions, no fights, no Sch…

Aya: (Jerking up and taking in a big breath) SCHWARZ!

The group of Weiss all looked up at the front of the auditorium as Schwarz walked up on stage. The leader, the tall and dark one took the microphone and rubbed his forehead.

Brad: Being here has taught me and my fellow group members (Thinking to himself: Make this good…make it cheesy) these last two days have proved a huge significance in my life. My group and I have learned the meaning of teamwork and…

Farf: (Pushing him out of the way) I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about the rope thingy…I didn't mean to cut it…Nagi was being a butt hole so I tried to stab him…

Brad: (Waving his hands in the air) Nooo! Farf no!!

Crowd: Booing and cursing.

Farf: (Continuing) And I'm sorry about that guy…I didn't even know his name…I didn't mean to throw him off the ladder…he was in my way…and about the mess hall…I didn't mean to upset the really ugly food lady…I just saw her sneeze into the food and it kind of grossed me out…all the snot…and all…

Crowd: Ewwies…(Everyone was starting to look sick)

Farf: (Cont.) And I'm sorry about the…

Brad: (Pulling him away) OOOOK that's enough…

Brad pushed them off the stage and sank into his chair, humiliated. 

Ken: (In the back of the auditorium, looking Schuldig up and down) Mmmm…that Schul…

Youji: (looking over at him with a questionable look) What did you say?

Ken" (EEk!) Uh…I uh said…Oww my shoulder. (Sweet smile)

When the crowd began to filter out of the auditorium, going to where they had to be, Schwarz stood at the entrance, waiting for their next officer, cause they had all but killed the last one.

Nagi: (Towards Farf) Great speech, slick.

Farf: Shut up before I make you into a Sloppy Joe.

Nagi: (Under his breath, singing) God is an awesome God he reigns from heaven above with wisdom…power…and love…

Farf: (Pure white anger) AHHHH! GET OVER HERE!

Farf lunged at Nagi but he was too fast for them, for the next ten minutes they ran after each other, Nagi singing Christian songs at the top of his lungs.

Schu: You guys! (Chasing after them) Nagi you sing like a girl!

Aya: (Appearing as if from no where) If it isn't Bradley Crawford.

Brad turned and faced Aya.

Brad: Well if it isn't Aya…whatever the hell your last name is…

Omi: Oh that was rude…

Nagi: (Running between them with Farfarello in hot pursuit and Schuldich bringing up the rear) I GOT JESUS IN MY HEART…I'VE GOT….

Schu: NAGI! TEACH ME THAT SONG!!

Farf: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!

Brad's face turned a little red and he looked at the ground…

Ken (Under his breath as softly as he could, watching Brad's muscles flex annoyingly under his boot camp attire) Mmm…look at Brad…

Youji: (Looking back at him) What'du say?

Ken: (Caught again) Uhh… I said where's my dad… (Annoyed) turn around!

Aya: (Evil smile) I think we have the same officer now…

Brad: (looking up and nodding)

Aya: Your going to compete against us in tug-of-war.

Omi: Prepare to lose, sucka!

Youji: Sucka? Are you gangsta now?

Nagi: (Jumping out at Youji and Omi) HI!

Youji and Omi: (Jump in surprise) 

Ken: (Whispering to himself) YuUUuummy…look at that Farf…

Youji: (From out of nowhere) What?

Ken: (Annoyed) I…uh…said I have to barf…get out of my freaken face. 

Nagi pushed past them, the Farfarello, then Schuldich. 

Aya: (Eyeing the trio chasing each other) I pray for you Crawford. (And turned to leave)

Farf perked up and stopped running after Nagi.

_Did he just say pray?_

Farf: AHHHH!

Aya turned around and screamed as Farfarello tackled him to the ground. Brad smiled for the first time all weekend and turned to walk away. 

Schu: (Huffing) Aren't we going to help him?

Brad: (Singing) I am a C…I am a C-H…I am a C-H-R-I-S-T-I-A-N, and I have C-H-R-I-S-T…

Schu: (Interrupting, singing) In my H-E-A-R-T and I will L-I-V-E E-T-E-R-N-A-L-L-Y!!

Farf jumped off of Aya and raced after his disappearing group.

A few hours later, that evening, Schwarz waited for Weiss to get to the Tug-of-War pit where it was all going to go down. 

Brad: Why do I have the feeling that something stupid is going to happen?

Schu: Cause it always does.

A few seconds later Weiss appeared from the bushes with another officer, bigger and meaner looking then the last one that Farf took down. 

Officer: Ok ladies you know the drill. One team on one side, the other team on the other side, NOW!

They took their places. 

Officer: OK…READY…START!

Schwarz started to pull with all their strength. Brad was in the back, tied with a rope around his waist because he was the strongest. Farfarello was in front of him, then Schuldich, then in the front Nagi. On the other side of the rope was Weiss, Aya stood in the back, then Youji, then Ken, then Omi. 

Schu: My hands hurt!

Nagi: Shut up and pull!

The officer stood in the middle of the rope, where a red rag was tied in the exact middle and under it was a large mud puddle. 

Schu: (Letting go of the rope and putting his hands on his hips) I'm not going to help if your going to be so mean. Hmmmph.

Brad lurched forward because of the one less body helping him pull. 

Brad: Schuldich, what are you doing?!

The rope started to slip out from around Brad's waist as the red rag moved closer and closer to the other side of the pit, the side that Weiss was on. The officer shouted at them to pull harder, moving his face closer to the rope. 

Suddenly Nagi tripped, letting go of the rope and sliding into the mud puddle by the officer's feet. Brad struggled with the heavy rope but in vain it ripped off of him……

And smacked the officer square in the side of the head, knocking him out cold.

Schu: Way to go BRAD! THAT'S THE SECOND ONE!

Farfarello, still holding onto the rope, was flung into the mud puddle, right on top of Nagi, smushing his face into the mud.

Aya: (Evil grin and laugh) We win! 

Brad: (Sighing) Why didn't I see this?

Nagi pushed Farfarello off of him and stood up, surveying the scene. 

Brad: (Throwing hands into the air) I give up. 

As he turned around to leave a huge mud ball slammed into the back of his head, dripped down his shirt and made a sickening plop in the ground behind him. 

Brad: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.

Schu: (Backing up from the mud puddle where Farf and Nagi were having a Mud War) If ONE speck of MUD get on me….

Right then and there a LARGE DRIPPING mud ball hit him square in the chest, almost knocking him to the ground. 

Schu: THIS IS CASHMERE!

Youji: I thought it was cotton.

Schu: (Glaring at him) I'm SPECIAL…I get the GOOD schtuff. 

Youji: Aya! I want a cashmere shirt!

Aya: I don't care. 

Youji: Well I never…

Aya: (Interrupting) Don't care!

Brad and the rest of his group walked back into the woods, he had a large frown on his face. But the thought of being able to go home in a few hours somewhat perked him up. 

Farf: (Muddy, dirty, and stinky) o0o0o0o! GUNS!

Schuldich ran up behind them, and looked over to where Farf was staring.

Schu: They're paintball guns you moron.

Farf: (Wincing his nose) _You _smell like the foot now. (Smiling)

Schu: Leave me alone.

Nagi walked up behind them, looking like a little a little mud pie. 

Nagi: Brad? Can we play with the paintball guns?

Brad: No.

Nagi: Please!?

Brad: No.

Nagi: Pa-LEASE! 

Brad: (Turning towards him, slowly spelling out the word.) NNNNOOOO!

Nagi: Hmmph.

Brad walked on, not even caring that the other members of his group weren't following him. All he wanted to do now was take a shower…pack up…and leave. 

Then a small sharp sting hit him in the back.

He cried out and spun around, to see Nagi, Schu, and Farfarello armed and loaded with paintball guns, head to toe in protective padding. They looked incredibly stupid, standing there, trying to look cool. Nagi walked up to him and threw him a gun and a red vest. The other three walked back to where Weiss was hopefully still at, preparing to get some major revenge. 

Brad: (Looking around at the gun, then the vest, then back again) I don't believe this.

He threw on the gear and trudged after them

(A little bit in the past)

Weiss watched as Schwarz disappeared into the bushes and trees. All were smiling except Ken, who was fixed on the youngest member of Schwarz.

Ken: Mmmm…Nagi looks so…

Youji: What?

Ken: Man, would you quit it!!

Omi: What do we do now?

Aya: (Looking around the small clearing in the middle of the woods.) We go back.

Omi: (Looking at the officer) What about Mr. Grumpy?

Aya: Leave him.

Weiss walked back the opposite was from Schwarz, they didn't get far before they hit a mesh fence enclosing the whole premises. Not seeing the fence, Youji ran right into it.

Youji: My foots stuck!!

As Ken and Aya helped him get his foot out of the mesh fence, Omi followed the fence wondering where it led, or at least where it stopped. Instead of finding that out he found a small wooden shack. 

Omi: Hey look you guys!

The three other members of Weiss walked up behind him, staring at the small shack, wondering what was inside of it. Aya was the first one to walk into it, inside was a huge assortment of blue paintball guns, blue vests, blue helmets, everything.

Omi: (Peaking out from behind him) Coolio!

Youji: What the hell is coolio?

Omi: (Glaring) Your mom told me it last night…

Ken: (Out of no where) OOOOOOOHHHH!

Youji: Least I have a mom, you stupid little orphan Annie.

Ken: OOOOOHHHHH!

Omi: (Pure anger) Why don't you go and shoot another one of your prissy girlfriends! (Making his voice sounds like a girl) Hi…uhhh my name is Neu and I don't know who the hell I am…and uhh….

Ken: OOOOOOHHHHH!

Youji screamed at him and picked up a loaded paint ball gun, shooting it off inches from Omi's face. A dark blue stain could be seen on the wall. In a flash Omi snatched one up and grabbed a vest, shooting at Youji, who ducked behind a work bench. One shot his Ken in the knee. He screamed and grabbed his own gun, aiming it at Omi, getting a few good hits in before Omi escaped out the door. Youji grabbed a vest and helmet and raced after him.

Aya: You guys are so immature it makes me sick.

Ken: (Staring at him while grabbing a vest and helmet also) Who would miss out on an opportunity to smash little blue balls of paint in Youji's beautiful face?

Aya: (Questionably) Beautiful?

Ken: (Tugging on his collar) Uh…(He aimed his gun at Aya and popped him one in the stomach.)

Aya flinched before grabbing his own gear and chasing after Ken, shooting a few into the air.

Ken: Who's immature now. 

Shooting randomly at each other, Weiss ran past the clearing, past the down officer, unaware that Schwarz was creeping towards them. 

Suddenly Omi looked down to see that he also had red pain splotches on him, he looked up into the face of Nagi, the youngest of the Schwarz. Nagi lifted his gun and shot one into his facemask, obscuring his vision. 

Nagi: I GOT one!

Schu ran up behind him, panting.

Schu: (Looking at the little boy wiping the red paint off of his mask) Three more to go.

Just then Ken and Youji jumped into the clearing, unloading their guns at both Nagi and Schu, flooding them with blue paint before disappearing, giving each other high fives. 

Schu: (Falling over Nagi in an attempt to get away, knocking them both down in the process) Oh poo!

A rustle was heard from the treetop, and in a flash a Xena scream pierced the air as Farfarello jumped down into the clearing, completely in jungle camouflage. 

Schu: You're a little late there. 

Farf: (Relaxed and sighed) I lost Brad.

Schu: So?

Farf: SO? Bloodthirsty animals were ruthlessly chasing us! 

Nagi: Which members of Weiss was that?

Farf: (Playing with his gun accidentally shot one at Nagi, straight to the forehead. Nagi fell over in a heap) Aya….Woops. 

Schu: (Staring unbelievingly at Farf, then at Nagi laying lifeless on the ground, then at Farf again) Are you kidding me.

Farf: I didn't mean it.

Schu: (Standing up) Great! Now we have to carry him! Can you STOP knocking people out!

Farf: (Winced and nervously played with the gun again, this time 5 rounds went off, socking Schu in the stomach and groin area, he doubled over in pain) 

Schu: (Strained voice) Give…ugh….me….ugh….the gun!

Suddenly Brad rushed into the clearing, panting hard.

Brad: I got Ken. (Looking at Schu and Nagi laying on the ground and sighing) Farfarello what did you do.

Farf: Nothing! it's the gun (Just then the gun went off, smacking Brad in the face with about a half dozen blue paint splotches. He was out cold before he even hit the ground) 

Farf: (Jaw dropped) Oopsies.

Schu: You….ugh….retard. 

Farf: (Aiming his paintball gun at the cursing Schu, he let off two more, knocking the German out cold) Mwahahaha! (And raced off into the bushes)

On the other side of the clearing, Ken and Youji came by the red covered Aya, sitting on a stump with his hands holding up his head.

Ken: (Wondering, under his breath) Where that little cutie, Omi?

Youji: (Out of no where) What?

Ken: DUDE! WILL YOU QUIT IT! 

Aya: They got Omi.

Ken: Which one?

Aya: That big, beef headed Crawford.

Youji: Mmmm….beef. I'm hungry.

Aya gave the rest of the ammunition to them and watched as they disappeared into the brush, Youji still talking about dinner. 

Farfarello could hear them before Ken and Youji even found the unconscious bodies of his group members. Ken and Youji paused at the scene, looking down in horror.

Youji: Fa-reaky!

Farf aimed both his guns at Ken and Youji's head. He had stolen Brad's gun and refilled it. His finger pushed back the trigger…

_SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!_

Farther away Aya heard the insane laughter of the Irish madman and sighed. When he got back to the flower shop he was going to personally murder Persia for ever thinking that this was a good idea.

THE END


End file.
